I’ve found it’s the same with our marriages and rearing children, living with our aging parents, and caring for them with our cantankerous siblings. The easiest and least-suffering that we can experience in these relationships is to be a doormat, or to put up a wall, to let others and their desires and their directions just run your life, or just do their own thing. This is suffering, too, just like if Jesus had said, “Yes, Ma’am,” and gone along with what Mary said. But this kind of suffering, passive suffering, suffering without your taking part in it, without you choosing it, this is not holy suffering. It is cursed. It is the suffering of the battered woman is never God’s call. The suffering of the starving child is not ever God’s call. The suffering of the kid passed around foster care is not ever God’s call. The suffering of being bled dry by an addicted family member is not ever God’s call.